I really love it when science confirms a belief I already have. Of course, when science totally destroys my perception of reality, I ignore it and mutter about eggheads wasting my tax dollars on useless “research.” I learned that trick from creationists; theories are just made up! Like fairy tales! And the Bible!
So researcher Carin Perilloux conducted a study on how men and women perceive attraction. You can read the details here. Bottom line, the researchers found:
“Essentially, men who rated themselves high on attractiveness were more likely to overperceive women’s interest. The more attractive they actually were to women, however, the more likely they were to underperceive.”
Then there was a evolutionary psychology explanation for this phenomenon. I tend to hate evo psych, because it doesn’t take into account the effects of culture and excuses men’s poor behavior by implying they are mindless automatons helplessly in thrall to urges encoded in their DNA. As if there were not thousands of years of civilization separating us from our caveman forebears. MENZ R DUMM.
But I have a funny story that relates to this study, which is really the only reason I brought it up in the first place.
During the spring of 2005, I was studying abroad in Paris. One day I was having lunch in the university cafeteria. (Side note: you could get a carafe of wine with your meal. EUROPE IS SO MUCH AWESOME.) I was alone, which raised my chances of being hit on 1000%. This older professor type was sitting across from me, and asked me to pass the water pitcher or something. He noticed I had an accent and so I fell into my little song and dance routine of “Oh yes, I’m an American college student, here for the semester, Paris is beautiful, I didn’t vote for George Bush, etc etc, etc.” I was totally happy with making small talk, since well, I was there to work on my French.
At this point, I need to note a few details about him:
- He was short, around 5’5″ (I’m 5’10”).
- He had one of the most impressive comb-overs I have ever seen. And by impressive, I mean completely horrifying.
- He had a wall-eye, so at first I wasn’t even sure he was talking to me.
- He was at least 60 years old; I was 21.
We’re chatting away in French, and I’m being friendly and engaging, for a couple of reasons. Most importantly, it’s the beginning of GWB’s second term, and I want to reverse, in my small way, the impression that Americans are brain-dead, reactionary cowboys. Or that we’re fanny pack toting, white tennis shoe wearing obese tourists who yell in English instead of learning a few words in another language. I have seen these people in the flesh and it’s horribly embarrassing. And again, I want to work on my French, so I take pretty much any opportunity to do so. Finally, the possibility that he would hit on me seemed miniscule. Oh how naive I was.
After about 10 minutes of me praising the food in Paris and condemning the politics of the American commander in chief, my geriatric conversational partner finishes his meal and says something like “You know, you are very pretty. Would you like to go out for a drink?”
The Frenchwoman who had been not-so inconspicuously eavesdropping looked alarmed. This was the ultimate in THINK FAST. Not only do I have to turn this guy down, but I have to do it politely and IN ANOTHER FUCKING LANGUAGE. I’m not above being bitchy, but it’s a real headspinner to have to switch from friendly mode to scorched earth mode. Also I was probably a little drunk; see aforementioned carafe of wine.
Oh, the lies I wove. I can’t recall exactly what I said, but it was some verbal tap-dancing like “Oh, that’s a nice offer, but I’m going to Italy this week and after that I’m going home, so really, I just can’t, but thanks though.” IN FRENCH, BITCHES. He seemed to accept it though.
After he left, the Frenchwoman leaned across the table and whispered to me, “Bien jouee.” (Well played.) One of the best compliments I’ve ever had, to this day. From a Frenchwoman, no less, and those gals are harsh.
I am cynical and bet that I will get comments saying that I should have gone out with him since he did me the honor of asking. To that I say, SUCK IT HATERS. Would you go out with a bald woman 3 times your age just because she asked? I think not.
More seriously though, I think ugly men overrate their attractiveness because (GROSS GENERALIZATION ALERT) men don’t spend as much time evaluating their looks as women do. They just don’t. I can go into a room of women and instantly know where I stand on the comparative attractiveness scale. Do men do that? I don’t know, but I doubt it.
But of course, an ugly man will still get laid if he’s rich. Since women are gold-diggers. Evolutionary psychology says so.
i am the mother-f*cking club 